In the last three weeks, I fell into the Virtue Trap (i.e. deprioritized myself), got scared of my own ambitions as laid out in the Goal Search during week 8, and almost made a creative U-turn. 

I spent the major part of a week planning and preparing for my mother’s online birthday party. Being new to hosting Zoom meetings with more than 5 participants, I needed to educate myself about the meeting features and practice hosting a few times. I wrote a script, picked music, invited close family members and friends to say a few words for Mom. There were also 10,000 questions from uncles and aunties who were excited about an online party but nervous about using Zoom. Plus, my co-hosts, my sisters, had an additional 10,000 questions and concerns and doubts. It took a lot of time and energy but it was totally worth it. More than 75 people showed up for the Zoom party, and Mom is still reading and responding to all the posts on her Kudoboard. The adrenaline from the party kept me up till 3am. The next day, I went into a state of lethargy.

It took me 4 days, 3 baking projects, one furious game of badminton, and takeout from my favorite middle eastern-inspired restaurant to shake off the lethargy and get back to work. 

And it seems that simple task of sitting down at my desk, opening my book and picking up a pen, sent some sort of signal because I received exactly the help and guidance I needed to continue. The Artist’s Way seems enchanted sometimes because it gives me the words I most need to read and understand at that very moment. The exercises are exactly what I need to achieve the next breakthrough. So now I’m energized. I have a set of goals to orient me, and a set of actions to keep me moving towards the goal. 

My immediate goal for the next two weeks is to build consistency in my practice. The last few weeks have been a patchwork of sluggish unproductive days and scintillating days of work, exploration, and discovery.

Confronting fears is always uncomfortable and I think I’m in for a significant period of discomfort as I continue this journey. But is there really another option?